Damian M. Schloming ideas and information

Naomi Wolf on rape: "...ours is increasingly an age of geopolitics by blackmail."

This website is to allow me to present intelligibly my thoughts and insights on various social, political, historical and even scientific issues I've been studying in the past two years. 

Some of which I have background knowledge of due to having been involved with and interested in various political movements many years ago. 

My political viewpoint leans towards libertarian, except that I am not completely happy with the way some of them think. Libertarians want limited government and civil liberties. As a matter of principle, that is excellent. But then libertarians seem to suffer from this ingrained bias of Western Culture that you can somehow intellectually decide that government "should be" a certain way and then the perfect society can then be achieved by some legislative body sitting down and crafting some written rule decreeing that that is how society is to be from now on.

 

Actually, I think government and the larger society it is embedded in is more like some kind of living beast that you can train or that can morph in one direction or another, but it can't be so easily manipulated or changed as we think. Written rules don't have the exact effect they literally intend, but instead enforcement of the rules and all sorts of other considerations regarding government bureaucracies results in all sorts of ripple effects or unintended consequences. As a result, the most free society does not necessarily result from the one with the nicest and most free sounding written constitution or constitutional rights guaranteeing liberty. A very good example of this issue is the liberal Warren Court expanding all sorts of fifth amendment procedural and technical criminal protections for defendants. Liberals saying they want to do this might be arguing this is to help the poor. The opposite is the truth. This is to help defense attorneys, and why is that a bad thing? Because criminal procedures and technicalities of the liberal Warren Court only resulted in defendants having protection IF they could hire an expensive enough attorney to do a good enough job PRESSING them. Public defenders are part of the corrupt court system, they deliberately do a bad job so as to make sure well heeled defendants find it worth their while to pay extra. Huge sentences ALSO give well heeled defendants more incentive to pay extra. Thus, defense attorneys representing rich criminal defendants have a vested interest in maintaining the strict sentencing policies responsible for Mass Incarceration. Furthermore, there was a law school bubble which burst, and now law schools are doing poorly because lawyers are not finding it worth their while to spend so much money on a law degree. Fact of the matter is, those liberal Warren Court protections indirectly increased legal fees for defense attorneys, thereby contributing to the upward pressure on college tuition and law school tuition, simply because the amount of money attorneys could make from a law degree made it more worthwhile. 

It also is true that the regulatory state increased in many other ways, increasing demand for attorneys in other spheres besides the criminal justice system. But I am going to talk about the criminal justice system here for now to use it as an example.

This is just one example showing how a policy that, examined in the most superficial way you think it's designed to help criminal defendants overall in the long run has the exact opposite effect. Because these protections are ones that only can be accessed by those with the money to pay for top dollar attorneys. And, it isn't always necessarily related to the facts of the case. The attorney usually has an incestuous relationship with everyone else in the court system, so much so that basically if you pay the right attorney enough money, you will get off because he is friends with all the judges and prosecutors, and parole officers, etc.

And for me to say that could lead to others thinking it is rather awful to have a court system so incestuously corrupt. Except, these are all nice people who know each other and court systems have ALWAYS been like this, more or less. And they always will be this way. Government is incapable of being perfect. Understanding its inherent imperfections such as this are necessary when it comes to avoiding passing laws which interact with such a culture in a way to produce very bad outcomes.

 

After all, we have always had government and, for some reason, it would appear if we always have had it, that is because we need it. The inner workings of government are so awful, you discover after you observe it, it can easily lead many to think we should just abolish it. But, given that that is impossible, the best alternative is to understand it as inherently flawed, and realistically think of how to make things "the least bad."

This is what I have thought for a long time, yet only recently have I stumbled across some law professors who subscribe to a movement called "legal realism." It turns out they think exactly the way I do, and see the same flaws in our society (or in the thinking of popular culture which leads to wrong-headed policies in our legal system) that I see.

Oddly enough, they seem to describe themselves as leftists yet they are not the kind of ordinary mainstream leftist most people would understand to be "of the left." Which is strange because I never would have thought of myself as a liberal -- but not a conservative either. But maybe this is because of certain strands of liberalism I have been exposed to which are quite awful. 

In any case, why categorize oneself? As I study and learn more about society, I like to share various insights and not limit myself to any one "box" or "category" that I pigeonhole myself into.

august 24, 2015 quick summary of Old West Church involvement

remembered more about what happened at old west church. 

very scandalous and criminal. 

i need to dig up some of the contemporaneous documents i have, but basically let me explain that, first of all it was obvious around that time that not only did i suffer from learned helplessness but also from a kind of obedience conditioning or fear of saying no. when laurel was there, the previous minister, they could call me up and ask me to play and even if i didn't want to or was tired, i couldn't say no. I ended up over extending myself and Yuko Hayashi ended up intervening and made an arrangement where the minister could not call me up and ask me directly to play without me calling her. And, literally, the minister would ask me to play, and I'd say I need to ask Yuko if it is ok. I'd call Yuko and tell her and then she'd ask me did I want to play, and if I didn't I'd say no I don't I'm tired and need rest, and then she'd say I was forbidden from playing. THAT was what they had to do to accommodate me because of my inability to say no. Which, btw, showed itself up in other situations as well.

Enter the new minister, first the wife, then a year later her husband becomes minister. She decided to arrange things so organists now started getting paid I think maybe $50 a service only. And, of course, when it was free, I had been doing most of the services. For free. Around the time she did this, however, Jacob starts creating all sorts of trouble for me. Not giving me the hymns on time, withholding a wedding check several days I was relying on and my bank account went negative because of it. Then around this time oddly enough I get stopped for speeding three times in a row and get a very high speeding ticket. Or maybe it was one speeding ticket which I was desperate to pay off which was $300. So I ask the minister if I can play extra in order to raise the money to pay it off. I later found out I was accused of trying to use the church for money, from Yuko. According to Yuko, Jacob was the one who said that. This was also when I had my job and was just starting to get personal training sessions at the gym, and wanted a bit extra money to help pay for them too. Anyway, the way it all worked out, Jacob goes and first withholds the hymns so on one day I didn't have them until the very morning of the service i played and had to sight read them, then I have another problem with him but the straw that broke the camel's back was when a check I needed kept being delayed, and I thought I would get it earlier and spent money on personal training sessions, I believe. They delayed delayed delayed, wouldn't answer calls, and then my bank account goes negative and I rack up tons of late fees, $100 worth of late fees, so I called the church and got upset and said I need the money right away. 

This appears to have been provocation they wanted, so then the minister could retaliate against me and start being very rude and negative afterwards. She told me i was limited to playing once a month (e.g., I can't be allowed to use the church for money) and it was around this time I was banned from parking my car there at the behest of the daycare center where they also harassed me. what was interesting was the reason i started parking the car there occasionally was because my co workers at Berkshire hathaway had treated me so badly and stressed me out so badly that i started wanting to spend the weekends in rockport, where it's by the ocean and very calming and helped me rejuvenate from the stress of work, in my parents' house, and it was one mile away from the commuter rail and i needed the car to get there. in any case, what this ended up meaning was i was suddenly limited to one service a month, and then had to pay $100 a month for parking all of a sudden. And I had just started personal training sessions and really wanted to continue doing them and get back in shape.

i was pretty squeezed financially and what i should also mention was I lived in the North End then and there was this coffee shop where a lot of very italian looking mafia looking guys went, and the manager was this guy named Kenny who liked me a lot and was always very friendly to me and would often give me free pastries and stuff. And I felt so bad I went to the coffee shop and went to confide in him -- and there was this pimp there, with a female prostitute. It just all worked out, perfect timing, where all the rotten problems they were giving me at Old West Church, the money problems, etc., were timed so (I have to better remember the sequence of events), I walk out of the church office feeling terrible, go right over to the coffee shop and there I meet Kenny and, for the first time, that pimp. 

So they told me all about rent boy, and how you can also put up escort ads on craigslist. And, oddly enough, I was hoping to meet the pimp a second time in hopes he would help me, since I preferred not to do it myself, but Kenny got fired the day afterwards and that was the last time I ever saw him again. I was also never able to track him down and based on what people told me, he was for awhile working elsewhere but having terrible problems, and then at some point he apparently disappeared and nobody knew where he was. I think he may have been killed. I do remember him telling me shortly before then he was having some bad problems including some building or house he owned was going to be foreclosed upon. 

So I ended up doing rent boy and craigslist, not very seriously, just occasionally just to raise a little extra money so I could keep doing personal training sessions and pay for the parking. But I was really resentful at Old West Church, largely because I felt I had really been exploited before under the old minister, had done so much free playing, and then when I start needing money, right around the time the new minister starts having organists get paid, they suddenly make sure it's SOMEONE ELSE who gets to be paid twice a week rather than me. And then I have to go do prostitution to make ends meet -- and this is a Church and they knew I was in a financially uncomfortable situation and they knew all the other organists who played weren't financially uncomfortable. And, on top of it, the minister went out of her way to be extremely nasty about it as well. So I really felt hurt about it, and I suspect they knew that's how I would feel and wanted me to feel that way. If I had felt less hurt, emotionally, I'd have been less likely to take up prostitution, and I am now thinking that must have been something they were hell bent on manipulating me into doing.

I was so resentful, and when I did eventually get fired from Berkshire Hathaway, under very bizarre circumstances, I quit playing at Old West Church and sent Yuko Hayashi some emails regarding the minister, something along the lines of "how could she do this to me?" I am starting to realize or suspect, now that I have more insight into the closely coordinated manner in which people were operating with me at that time, that all of this was a deliberate set up and I am presuming that something about the occasional prostitution I did must have somehow been used against me in some way. Or somehow used to discredit me maybe so as to help them get away with certain things? I am not sure and will have to think about it. But, yeah, that's what those two ministers at Old West Church did. And I think it's no accident that this melodrama occurred right after the two police reports I filed regarding the whole child molestation thing I had heard about which I speak of in the below post. 

In any case, I do know Yuko Hayashi warning me over and over again it's best to stay away from the minister and if I try to talk to them "it will not be good." She was also the one who told me (you can read it in this email where I quote her anonymously) that "they are trying to be good" but not exactly having an easy time of it. She is Japanese so when she says something like "they are trying to be good," it would be more accurate to say this is the face saving Japanese way of saying "they are being bad." I do remember how, after I sent a bunch of emails out (with tons of supporting documents) to a bunch of people, including a lot of town officials in areas where I had problems with the police, where I informed everyone about what they did to me at Old West Church, as well as what tons of police did in cities and towns all over New England, I was a little afraid of calling Yuko for awhile because I was afraid she'd be made that I had disclosed things that would sully the church's name. When I finally did call her I told her what I'd done and asked if she was angry, and she said no she wasn't bothered at all, and said "you are free of them now." Or something like that. (E.g., they deserved it.) 

August 23, 2015 -- realize the need to flesh out (recover) more details

And, thus, I put up a page called "detailed summary of criminal incidences at Berkshire Hathaway and Old West Church." 

And here I need to explain my social situation, one where I either have no one to talk to or else the people I CAN talk to about these issues constantly gas light me and play head games with me or jerk me around, all of which makes it much tougher to "recover" memories of past traumatic incidences which were crimes -- and when I think about it enough, I realize they were crimes and why/how they were crimes. E.g., if the Catholic Church was being blackmailed, certain things were "set up" while I was working at Berkshire Hathaway 2005-2008, and indeed Old West Church (the new ministers) participated in this whole thing, and the church got a huge donation from a charity with which they were able to do a whole bunch of renovations in return. 

I have left all that out, yet the details are quite interesting and, also, quite damning. 

I recently started calling up the rape crisis center again, and am no longer posting on A Voice For Men, where they really were treating me viciously so badly, it really was getting to me, as well as some of my encounters with gay men also were just as bad around that time. Interesting thing about the rape crisis center was, they were the least bad throughout the whole process and I was always able to call the hotline. Though there was one time when I went there for an intake, and this was after an incident where I was covered with bruises and very distraught after a particularly bad and scary incident, and they said they thought this whole thing was a bit too much for them and I really should try this program at the Cambridge Hospital that was intended for victims of severe violence, which I didn't do but I hired a lawyer instead. I remember them saying something along the lines of "you can't trust people" which may have been a hint that I couldn't trust them because they were close to the other agencies (or a branch of) other agencies who had mishandled my situation. This was almost exactly a year after the family justice center (gay men's domestic violence project) had ceased working with me. 

In any case, calling the hotline regularly and simply having the experience of having normal people to talk to with regard to the issues has helped me sort of put together a few more pieces of the puzzle regarding what ALSO happened that I left out -- the whole set of incidences, quite bizarre, at Old West Church and Berkshire Hathaway from 2005-2008. There is a lot that went on there, and I was talking to Yuko Hayashi the whole time too, and there were some interesting things she said, or warned me about especially with regard to the new ministers at the church. 

What I feel like I want to do is write a whole summary of what happened from beginning to end quickly. I also need to look up this document I have on another computer that summarized some of the incidences at Old West Church when they happened. I also could look up some of my emails. It's obvious that these incidences happened AFTER I went to the police about what I heard regarding sinister activities that included possibly child molestation where the perpetrator was this man who had started to stalk me online, except it started out as very romantic sounding overtures which I responded to, he then cut me off, then I got the job at Berkshire Hathaway, and he suddenly starts up again -- making sure that he is talking to me online expressing some kind of romantic interest in me (we had never met so this was odd) over emails which ended up being opened by me while I was at work. 

Of course, he later rejects me, says he is not interested after all, and then this second man I had been talking to suddenly tells me that he knew this guy and the two of them had hooked up together in some kind of threeway that excluded me -- e.g., they were trying to make me jealous. And, of course, yes if you are jealous, you might want to go retaliate against such an individual by making up false allegations about him to the police, including outlandish ones. I guess they could go and say I had extremes of emotions and would over react to some things. However, it also really was true that, after this guy treated me this badly, a few other men start coming to me telling me they now him and telling me about all sorts of bizarre criminal behaviors this man was involved in. As well as involuntarily infecting men with HIV, as well as underage children. 

I also believe that I did a second police report after hearing about the children, and the first police report I did before hearing about the children. I really ought to look into the timing of the whole thing. Also, to be honest, yeah one might want to get revenge on someone who was extremely nasty in SOME sort of way -- but in order to argue that I was going to the police about these bizarre outlandish activities I heard about solely out of revenge would have required that you argue I was really really stupid about it. I mean, the way it works, you sometimes can't get revenge -- but if you are going to get revenge, at least you should do so in a smart way, not obviously stupid way.

I mean, if I can going to make something up and it isn't really true, wouldn't I have tried making it sound less outlandish? Then again, maybe those members of the gay community who came to me and told me all this outlandish stuff were hoping I could be portrayed as crazy, the outlandish nature of these allegations allowing me to be portrayed as a nut. Except I did have documentation and online logs that were real. And I do believe my computer was NSA monitored at the time too, so you know what that means. I knew what I was reporting to the police was pretty bizarre and outlandish - but that's what people really said and it wasn't my job to alter what others told me just to make it sound more credible. It's the job of police to investigate why others told me that. 

And, come to think of it, this reminds me of all sorts of other things people did, including that man who I had gone to the police about. He and a few other people I talked to around that time were all new age-y types who were into the occult. And a few of them went on this big kick regarding how I have all kinds of spiritual powers, something I sort of "went along with" in this way even though I was skeptical, as you can sort of guess by how carefully I documented things and how careful I was in certain respects. A bit like attempted brainwashing, at one time this man even starts calling me over and over again and when I pick up, he says "oh no, I didn't mean to call you it was someone else I was trying to call -- I know you did that, you are powerful." In other words, he was trying to tell me I had used spiritual powers to somehow magically reroute his calls to someone else to my phone instead. That, and other dealings with some very bizarre people at the time, is a whole can of worms it would take quite a long time to elaborate upon. 

In any case, after the new ministers came in, well, that's where they went and also quite suddenly start doing all sorts of provocative things over and over and over again which seemingly, in retrospect, may have been designed to annoy me yet, at the same time, I do believe some of the details could allow for an interpretation that would hint at a Catholic Church alliance sufficient so that individuals with control over crooked law enforcement officials could use it to either say I WAS the victim of a crime, or agree to agree I was crazy, but the proof or evidence that I wasn't crazy but was a victim would be used to engage in blackmail. Thus, I do believe if I narrate all of the details, the pattern would show as interesting. 

In any case, the best way for me to "recollect" things is to try to write it up like I am doing here, then take a break, and then work on it some more, because my memory will have been jogged and I'll begin to remember more details and put together more details. So then I can do a second draft that is better. However, I think I'll save the first draft rather than rewrite it and have a second draft be just a new version of it with clarifications. 

Like, for instance, I do remember having a big problem with this day care center that rented the basement of Old West Church all of a sudden over my parking the car there, where they didn't have a problem before but suddenly had a problem, and the explanation they gave didn't quite make sense except he was saying something along the lines of "they want more access and your car is blocking access." Which I now see could easily have been a back handed hint about the police report I filed. E.g., they are a daycare center and filing a police report about pedophiles or child molestation would lead to certain people's access to children being blocked. 

And I do remember when I talked to the minister about it, she was really nasty and I was retaliated against and she said something about "they are giving us lots of money" so she needs to make them happy. 

So this is a first draft of me starting to remember and describe in more detail what happened at Berkshire Hathaway. Next time I work on it, I'll do better. However, I have to say, something is really wrong with me having to work on it totally by myself with no one to even have a normal conversation with about it. And the only other people I can talk to about it play the worst kind of head games with me and act like utter losers.

 

----

One more addition -- excerpts fro an email I wrote that discussed some of what went on at Old West Church:

...I would like to ask you a couple of questions and let you know a couple of things that you may not now know. Apparently this man I talked to was very wealthy, well-connected, and powerful. Shortly after you left, when the new minister came in, I had problems with Jacob which I can only say were strange, and ended up leaving or being forced out in a nasty way. Shortly after I left, the church came into a lot of money and was able to remodel the office and paint the whole church. Later on, I had a slight suspicion as to how they came into that money, and asked where did the money come from, and the secretary at the time said it was a grant from a charity that the charity was planning to give many years ago, like while you were minister it was "in the works" and they were planning to give the church money, but they took a really long time to get around to it so the church didn't get the money until right after I left. Is that true? The reason why I am suspicious is, after Jacob left they hired a secretary who was very nice and very supportive, so when people told me the "issues" I was having were related to a rich and very spiteful italian man I refused to sleep with, I prepared a report which contained lots of documentation that included emails, logs of conversations online, that suggested what these people were saying was true. 

The secretary was very supportive and sympathetic and he told me he had emailed the current minister, who is the husband of the minister who came right after you. (She was there only for a year and it was under her tenure that I left.) I did not expect anything but sympathy but, instead, the current minister threatened me very badly, for no particular reason. Obviously, the report proves several crimes that were committed against me, and it proves I never committed a single crime but was the victim of several horrible crimes. Yet the minister told me or implied to me that he would go to the police about me, make some sort of false police report alleging I had committed some sort of crime, and he even went onto say "if you have something to confess, this is not a church that has confessionals, and if you want to talk to a minister, I am not your minister so you better not talk to me." Actually, he was telling me if I talk to him about my issues, he would file some sort of false police report about me or something. 

Later I talked to someone who I will not name who warned me I should stay away from Old West Church, implied it was dangerous for me to go there, and told me the minister and his wife were "trying to be good" but apparently having a hard time of it. I have confided to a lot of people about this situation, and never once have I gotten a response so hostile. I have to say, I did a lot of volunteer work for the church, and really contributed a lot to the church, and this is a horrible way to repay me, and on top of it, this is a dangerous situation where the more people who know about it, the less likely I will be killed or have anything else bad done to me, yet it appears the current minister of the church appears to WANT me to be done away with, and I can only wonder if it has something to do with the bizarre means under which I was forced out of the church, and then the church immediately afterwards came into money....

Interesting to say the least. The fact that the minister then behaved so hostilely helped alert me to the fact that what was going on before must have been criminal in some way. 

And another email:

Let me tell you more

Damian Schloming <>

9/5/10

to northchurch, malenasd

I just went to church and it is amazing how going to church makes me feel way less intimidated. I began talking to this man when you were minister, and he told me he was the owner of an accounting firm, he also told me he was Italian and rich and powerful but I didn't know what that meant. And yes he did ask me if I was looking for a sugardaddy and I said no and then I forgot about it, didn't think it meant much of anything. I thought he just wanted to help me get a better job in accounting, but when he mentioned that the job he offered me in accounting would involve me going to New York City for job training, where I would stay with him in his house, I felt I didn't know him well enough to take him up on the job offer, which did upset him.

It was after that that he suddenly told me he knew a few people at my workplace at the insurance company in Central Square, and one of these people did not deny knowing him when I confronted him on it. Furthermore, all these people he knew started making life for me difficult at work, particularly the 19 year old son of a member of that company's inner circle, who was in the military, partied all the time and got lousy grades, yet later on nevertheless got into Westpoint Military Academy DESPITE being unqualified to go there because of his poor academic record. His mother later on began making my life miserable too. Anyway, the timing of Jacob suddenly beginning to make it quite difficult to be organist of Old West Church and also a pretty humiliating experience too was after I turned down the job offer from this rich man. On top of it, after life at work became bad enough, this man suggested I work for his company, and I agreed because it was so bad, but he couldn't give me the job right away, for some reason, and then he started hinting that the job perhaps wouldn't really be as an accountant. He started making hints, telling me how much sex workers got paid who worked exclusively for very rich men (a lot) and at some point he told me I really need to have a rich older man to take care of me. I became very alarmed and don't want to go into all that happened next, but at some point this man became very angry at me when I said I didn't want to work for him and he sent me emails (which I still have and several other people have them too, even though they are on my gmail account and somebody told me gmail cannot be trusted and other people told me the same thing too AND I notice there ARE emails I have tried to send people on gmail, containing very sensitive documents, which never got there and, also, they disappeared from my sent mail folder too and the original files disappeared from my computer) in which he told me he was going to the governor of Massachusetts, and the governor would help him get back at me for whatever it was I did to him, which I wasn't even sure about.

Anyway, I later concluded that this man probably wanted to rent several apartments for me, all over the United States and Europe, where I would apparently be kept and he could come visit me while his pretend wife would stay at his official residences. And this wouldn't have been a voluntary arrangement on my part. Also, if he were planning to do that, but he is in the mafia which allegedly doesn't do gays so he has to have a pretend wife in the first place, well it wouldn't at all work for him if I was at Old West Church telling everyone about how this rich man was helping me get a better job as an accountant in his accounting firm, only to have me later complain that it turns out he doesn't really own an accounting firm, and that the job isn't really an accounting position. So might he have made a secret deal with Jacob and possibly provided funds to remodel the church in return for Jacob subtly encouraging me to leave? If so, I don't think the new minister would have been involved, but she was new and possibly not that attentive. 

I will attach a log of a yahoo conversation I had with someone in Maine, so you can see this is legit.

Thanks,

Damian

 

And another email.

 

and FYI

Damian Schloming <>

9/6/10

to northchurch, bcc: malenasd

I inquired about the source of the funds to remodel the church AFTER being subjected to a quite unexpected and quite shocking tirade from the current minister, full of threats. Not before, AFTERWARDS. I know all the tricks in the book slippery people use to slime themselves out of accountability for bad behavior. I am NOT going to be later accused of having charged into Old West Church, and then immediately accused them of coming into the money through unethical means. That is the sort of thing someone STUPID would have done and, guess what, I am not stupid. The only reason this issue came up is that the secretary who was hired after Jacob left happened to be a very nice sympathetic guy and I believe I had some conversation with him when I went there to practice and I can't remember how the issue came up but he was very sympathetic so I reluctantly began to confide in him and then eventually showed him a report I had been distributing to a few close friends which was full of documentation NONE of which pertained to Old West Church. He was very sympathetic and told me he had immediately sent an email to the current minister and will show him the report, and he wanted me to be able to rely on the church for morale support while I was going through this ordeal. So I go give the minister a call and am taken quite badly by surprise and it just so happens to be at a time when the last thing I want to experience is yet another person threatening me. Not long ago I got these horrible text messages from some man named Pete telling me I had pissed off the super rich and implying there was a hit on my life, full of insults too, and before that he had sent me emails implying I had pissed off all the mob and they will shut me up, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I am not a STUPID person who intentionally steps on hornet's nests. Nor would I have the audacity or lack of common sense to even imply that there was a remote possibility that the church may have made some deal with an allegedly lovesick rich italian man with pretend wife in return for funds to remodel the church, amusing though such a scenario might be were you to include it in some comedy or farce. I will only point out here that, given that I have had several people tell me things -- IN WRITING TOO, NOT MERELY VERBALLY, and I logged these conversations and couldn't have faked them and on top of it I forwarded copies of the files containing these logs to so many people you cannot hack that many computers and delete all the files without it looking suspicious -- which make the behavior of the minister of Old West Church just so happen, by coincidence, to create an appearance of possible unethical misconduct with regard to the manner in which the church came into money to do over the whole entire church. 

Just want to make everything clear.

 

And another email (btw I ought to include some of the very interesting supporting documentation or documents I attached -- but maybe later on).

 

And here are two other interesting conversations

Damian Schloming <>

9/5/10

to northchurch, malenasd

With a Kevin D man who often hints he is in the mafia, though never explicitly. This whole situation has turned into a major melodrama so I now talk to dozens of people now about this whole situation. Look at the difference between the two conversations, in one of them Kevin D admits this mafia man exists, but the later conversation occurred after someone warned me there was some possible attempt to cover it all up by saying this mafia man doesn't exist, is all in my head, and my computer was hacked and certain files started disappearing and I didn't delete them. Indeed, the "Hayden" conversation includes a bit at the end showing how I had to recover that file from the recycle bin -- no way would I have deliberately deleted that and so many other important files.

Thanks,

Damian

And a final email (sarcasm at the end).

 

Just remembered something about that whole business regarding how the charity

Damian Schloming <>

9/5/10

to northchurch, malenasd

that supposedly agreed to give money to remodel the church years ago, but took a really long time to disburse the funds so the church wasn't remodeled until after I left. Not long before you left, I remember being at some service where the old minister was there and we were sitting in the church office. He told me that he had been your mentor and made you everything you are, and suggested you would have been nothing without him. Then he pointed to a portion of the wall where plaster was falling down and the inside of the wall was exposed and said "at least when I was minister, we had WALLS." In response you said "he has a mental problem and had to be banished to a church in Cambridge." Not "well I got a charity to agree to give the church a huge sum of money to do major renovations, but they are just really slow at disbursing the funds."

Guess what happened the moment I noticed and "caught" those files disappearing, and started complaining about my computer being hacked and emails from my gmail account not getting to their intended recipients, and also how I lost touch with a family friend ... -- this family friend is Malena -- and the only reason I lost touch with Malena is for technological reasons, for some reason my cell phone is the only cell phone in the world that can NEVER get through to her (just gets a weird kind of busy signal all the time) and there is nobody else I cannot get through to on my cell phone? The moment I start noticing all that and emailing someone about it at 4 am in the morning, I immediately get someone instant messaging me on yahoo at 4 am in the morning, offering to introduce me to the owner of some huge porn production company, and suggesting I might have a lot of potential to make it as a porn star and I agreed, if you look at how I play the pipe organ, I do have some sort of charisma there. I wonder if this offer to turn me into a porn star is an offer to buy my silence?

I am very excited at such an opportunity. I am getting over my problems of low self esteem inflicted on me by my abusive family, and I am a natural performer. I am beginning to have more self respect now. I need to find ways to express that side of me that are not degrading and humiliating.

 

P.S. (clarification). That young 19 year old, it turns out, did not go to West Point Military Academy. The only reason I thought he did was, when I was at work, and walking by his mother's desk, I overheard her very loudly telling someone (in earshot of me so I could hear) that he got into Westpoint Military Academy, which is the top place, you have to have all the best grades to get in, it is like Harvard. 

Notice, again, the kind of disinformation spread that allows me to be discredited if I repeat it.

9/16/2014

OK I am working on an additional page that tells, in more details, some of my experiences, even in the course of explaining the evolving theories I adopted at different times (or was "coached" into adopting by others) to explain the systematic nature of the abuse and harassment. 

I have to say, upon reading it, it does bring to mind just how horrible it was, what they did to me. Big time horrible. The odd thing is, one forgets it and even becomes brainwashed into thinking it wasn't so bad, largely because the response I get from nearly everybody when I talk about this is, first of all, to try to make me be the person in the wrong for having talked about it. The only crime committed in their eyes is the crime I committed by not being properly discreet about it.

In the gay community, the default response is basically to treat me as an unspoken second class citizen. Or at least where the onus is on me to prove myself worthy. Almost as if the things other people did does not reflect poorly on them, it reflects poorly on me. And gives everyone an excuse to keep me at arm's length, and to relate to me in somewhat of a controlling manner. And, it goes without saying, I have to prove myself to others. While they come up with excuses for why I failed to live up to their high enough standards -- standards, I note, which have nothing to do with decency but, instead, have everything to do with "playing the game" you need to play in order to be considered "one of the cool kids" or "one of the it girls." And nobody has to prove themselves to me. All in all, very degrading and demeaning. 

It sure does show the enormous chasm between the things people say when they ostentatiously express "sympathy" for abstract rape victims, all in this hoity toity way, even while if they ever come across a real victim standing in front of them, they are as dismissive as they can get. Genuflecting on the altar of rape is like loudly saying "praise the Lord" all the time for those who just NEED to show everyone how devout they are. All show. No class. Actions speak louder than words.

9/9/2014

OK I altered the homepage so, at the bottom, I explain I have a "summary" that starts to explain my own experiences. And I link to the summery. And in the beginning of the summary, I start out suggesting they read the wordpress blog, I note that the wordpress blog leaves out a huge amount of information, and I explain that the information I left out was information I was not going to include unless and until I had organized the documentation I had that tended to back it up. 

Because I hesitate to make assertions before I have presented the evidence backing them up. Or I hesitate to report certain things that may have happened to me, if I lack evidence independent of my own eyewitness testimony that they really occurred. 

And I also explain, this is a work in progress and is by no means the whole story. 

Which is true. But one cannot or does not want to spend all of one's time organizing, uploading, and copying and pasting tons of documentation, along with writing all sorts of summaries explaining them. It's an enormous and very challenging task, especially regarding some of the stuff I have. 

Notice how I talk about having come up with several different theories for what was going on at different times, each of which I discarded? These theories were based on evidence I had at the time and things people told me. Though much of what people told me was not recorded and that leaves me vulnerable to accusations of being a conspiracy theorist. If only I had recorded everything, what it would look like. Still, I documented enough so it's clear something is going on. 

Anyway, I ought to elaborate on this whole thing because I certainly can explain this part of it in a way that clarifies things more. And I also have very interesting -- and damning -- documentation I could include along with that. But I can't just present it out of context, I need to write some sort of summary that helps explain it or presents it coherently. 

The way my mind works, I need to mull it over in my head for awhile before I figure out what approach to take. What order to put it in, where to put what, etc. 

9:10 pm

9/9/2014

OK more work. I worked a bit more on the presentation that quotes from the videos done by Catharine MacKinnon. But I still do think I need to work on it a bit more. Another part of it seems written awkwardly, and is a bit duplicative. 

I am sort of wondering if maybe I could make that be a summary, and do another page with a larger presentation on Catharine MacKinnon, and a bunch of criticism/critique of her work by Janet Halley. Or maybe not exactly of her work but of how it was applied. 

And that may not be the only instance where I can do that. The question is, how can I organize such a page? Maybe I need to redo that summary, where it is a blog, and I break it up into sections. Thus, if I am commenting on some site, I can post a link that goes to whatever specific section I like. Aka, the Catharine MacKinnon analysis can be one section, below it is a different one. Because, otherwise, it's very long, has many sections, and it's a bit much to quote one section of it and ask people to scroll down through all that text. 

10:26 pm

9/8/2014

OK now with this blog I can add a post and explain that I remained things so the home page is labeled "home page and introduction" and not "home page and summary" and the "summary" is labeled "summary and source page" rather than"source page and blog narrating the process of me putting together all of the information."

- 5:30 PM

9/8/2014

1.

This can be seen as a continuation, or follow-up, of the post you see on the homepage of my site. 

Following that post, you can see I put together a few pieces of evidence, along with a "Source Page" narrating my experiences. 

The folder "rape abuse and other issues" is currently duplicative, as on the source page I linked to all of the documentation using google documents. 

I realize, I should alter it. In addition to which, that "source page" shouldn't be using a "blog" template. I should use a "page" template for it. However I am new to this program (squarespace) and am figuring things out as I go along. 

I should somehow merge the two in some way. But I will do that later.  

2.

The Source Page articulates a pattern of behavior that was repeated over and over again, and gives a few examples of it along with documentation. 

I also include analysis of what might be behind it, a larger intellectual analysis which I begin on the homepage. 

However, I have not included everything, and need to figure out, if I include more, how do I organize additional information in a coherent, easy-to-understand way? 

FAST!

I guess it is easy to do it slowly, but one of the problems with talking about traumatic experiences like this is one doesn't want to do it slowly. One wants to rush through it real fast so as to get it over with real fast. 

5:26 pm